This ends here
by Neecie2023
Summary: Set following season 2, episode 3. I own nothing. My first fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

Setting: post season 2, episode 3

Author's note: I own nothing, this is my first fanfic.

Mackenzie has thought long and hard about the voice message. "He thinks I did a great fucking job", she thinks. She has come to one of two conclusions, either Will really doesn't remember or he really is a douchebag and is just playing this over her head as some sort of false hope. Either way, any glimmer of hope that she may have gained over the last years since coming back and being let into his life again are gone. She thinks of how stupid she's been trying to pry information from him, flirting with him, letting him get under her skin again. She is embarrassed and frankly feels pathetic that she's let herself be this vulnerable and desperate to have brought it up every day for 2 months. "This ends here", she says to herself. In order to protect herself from any further embarrassment and rejection, she decides on some ground rules:

-She will be professional and courteous

-But will avoid any physical contact and limit eye contact as much as possible

-She will avoid any conversations of a personal nature

Mackenzie goes to work and does her job, well, but follows her ground rules. Will notices a change and for a moment wonders if she knows about him and Nina, but brushes it off. He also wonders why she hasn't been questioning him about the message but chalks it up to his rant. When things erupt in Africa, Will tries to comfort her knowing that she blames herself for allowing Maggie to go. He tries to hug her, but she responds, "no, please just don't" and walks away. There are no late night phone calls, if he calls, she lets it go to voicemail unless it is something urgent and work related. There are no drinks shared together, no usual friendly banter, no personal conversations of any kind, and even little debate about the show's content. She is doing her job, but it's not Mac. The team tries to reach out to him, they have even noticed a difference. She is there and answers their questions, but it's not the same. Will is so bothered by Mac's new attitude and he can't seem to shake it. He brings it up to Nina on a number of occasions. Although he tries to make it subtle and work related, Nina isn't stupid. Nina decides that their relationship…whatever relationship they had is over. She makes it clear that he's a nice guy but his heart belongs to Mac and if she didn't like him so much she might be ok with just fucking him for a while. She doesn't want to get caught up in this because in the end she knows that she is going to lose.

Things continue like this for some time until Will finally corners Mac in her office, "What is up with you?"

"Nothing, what can I do for you Will, is there something about the broadcast that you want to discuss?" Mac says in the most professional voice that she can muster

"Fuck the broadcast, what is up with you lately, Mac?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Will"

"You won't even look at me, I apologized for my snapping at you"

"Will, I really have no idea what you are talking about…we talk every day…the show is going fine"

"Something's changed Mac, you're distant, you don't meet with the team after the show anymore, you have less personality with the staff…even Sloan is worried about you. You haven't even pestered me about the goddamned message…I know you feel bad about Africa, but this is not your fault Mac"

"I am responsible for Africa, I let them go, I let my people head into danger"

"OUR people, Mac"

"You had nothing to do with this and I won't let my personal feelings on this affect the broadcast, so unless there is something else I can help you with Will, I think we are done here"

Will is stunned, not exactly sure what to say. He's hurt by her attitude, but concerned more than anything. He's never seen her like this before.

He is about to leave, when she can't stop herself from saying, "and you don't have to worry Will…I will never mention the message again…you don't have to worry, Nina told me what the message was about, you didn't divulge any deep personal secrets, you called to tell me that I had done a great job on the Bin Laden broadcast. And I can assure you that I am doing my best to continue doing a great job"…she regretted it immediately, she broke her ground rules

Will looked down, he gets it he looks down and says, "Mac, that's not what the message said"

"What do you mean?"

"That's not what the message said, Mac…Nina lied to you"

"Why on earth would she lie about it, she has no reason to lie to me about it?"

"Because when you called, she was in my apartment" He looks down, he knows that as she processes things, that will hurt.

"In your apartment, why would she be in your apartment?" She all of a sudden puts two and two together, "no…you and Nina? You're seeing Nina?" She looks away, she's trying to remember her ground rules, trying to avoid eye contact knowing that her eyes immediately started to gloss over. She thinks for a moment and is mad at herself for letting him hurt her yet again then says, "You know what, don't answer that, it's really none of my business. We are colleagues and nothing more"

"I was, I did for a very short time"

"I think you should leave Will" she says trying not to sound hurt.

Will stands up, he knows that she's too hurt to discuss anything right now. But on his way out, he says, "we're more than just colleagues, Mac"

Mac lowers her head down and weeps…with all of the Genoa stuff happening, and Africa, she just doesn't feel like she can take anymore. Mac takes some time that evening to process things. She didn't even ask what the real message was, she knew that he obviously remembers, but did it even matter anymore? Would it even make a difference, he obviously wasn't willing to share the message and she surely wasn't going to ask about it again. Tears fill her eyes again, but this time with some anger and she decides that she can't do this anymore.

After several rehearsals and a night of thinking of exactly the words she wanted to use, she walks into Will office and says, "Will, I can't do this anymore. I thought that we could do this, work together, be professional, and at one point, I even thought that we might be friends, but I can't do this anymore. I know that I deserve it, I know that I tore your heart out, I know." She pauses trying to hold back tears, as she remembers her rehearsals.

Will tries to interrupt, "Mac".

"No Will, I'm going to finish…I've taken every punishment from a parade of young women, to having Brian here, to now you and Nina, which even hurt more than the parade of wormen because I was actually starting to like Nina and I could actually see you two having a relationship. I know it's silly, but on some level, I think in coming here I thought that someday, sometime, even if I had to wait years, you'd be able to forgive me. I know now that any hope I ever had of working things out with you are gone and that you will never be able to forgive me. I just can't be around here anymore. You obviously have a life and I want you to be able to live it, without wanting to punish me or being afraid that you've hurt me at every turn. I've even tried keeping things strictly professional, but that's not working either. I can't be all business with you are normal with the team. Nothing can ever just be professional with us Will and this all business thing just isn't me, my team is like my family and those young people over there need more than just a boss. I won't jeopardize your reputation, your show, or the team of people you have out there working like crazy to pull this together. You deserve better, they deserve better and even if you don't agree, I deserve better. I want you to know that I will act in the most professional manner possible to finish the Genoa story and wait until Maggie gets back on track and I will be leaving." She walks out as she had rehearsed before Will even has time to formulate a response.

"Fuck" Will says once she's gone.

That night, he goes over her rant in his head a hundred times…what is she talking about , this is **their show**, those young people are here because **she's **mentoring them. Why couldn't he just forgive her? Why did he have to make her this way? Why does he have to keep punishing her? Why can't he just tell her what the message said? Why is he letting the best thing that ever happening to him walk out of his life again? He knows that he doesn't want her to go, he knows that he can't take her leaving, but how does he fix this?

After recanting the recent events to Dr. Habib,

Habib says, "So do you want her to leave? If you aren't going to forgive her and are really trying to move on, don't you think it would be for the best? It can't be healthy for either of you to always be punishing or hurting one another?"

"No, she can't leave," Will quickly responds.

"She can't?"

"No, this is our show, she was the mastermind here, she's the one who got us here, the team is the good because she made them good"

"Is the show the only reason you want her to stay? There are other EP's, good ones even."

"There's no other Mac," Will says sternly.

"Do you mean Mac the EP or Mac the person?"

"Both."

"So it's not just about the show," Habib asks.

"Of course not..fuck…have you not been here for our sessions. I want to forgive Mac, I just can't..you know that"

"What are you afraid of if you do?"

Will just rolls his eyes.

"What about your relationship with Nina, what was that about?"

"What do you think, she's an attractive, smart woman, and she's more than blank shell that people make her out to be"

"Why did you tell Mac about Nina? Why did you tell her that the message wasn't about her doing a good job"

"I don't fucking know"

"I think on some level you wanted her to know it was more than just a good job message"

"I want her to know, I know it's the fucking truth, I'm just not ready to tell her and I don't want it to be something she heard when I was high. When I decide to tell her, I want it to be done the right way, not a fucking oh by the way I'm high message"

"When you decide to tell her?"

"If," Will corrects.

"You said when"

Will again rolls his eyes.

"Will, the way I see it you can continue what you are doing and risk having Mac leave, or you can deal with your issues and forgive her. You can't expect Mac to go on being punished forever. It's clear to me from what you are telling me about her recent behavior that she's reached her breaking point Will. We all make mistakes and although I know this is a big one, she can't keep letting you punish her, she can't keep punishing herself. She needs for her own sanity to move on, either with you or without you."

Will looks down, he hates that he's the one pushing Mac over the edge.

"You need to talk to her Will. Even if the message is just that you want to tell her what the message said but aren't ready to or even that you are trying to forgive her, you need to give her something. She's breaking."

"Fuck" Will says.

Mac is sitting at home, crying. It's been two days and nothing from Will. He didn't come rushing after her, he didn't call to ask her to stay, he didn't acknowledge anything, not even on a professional level. She resolves herself to the fact that he must agree that it's best if she leave. She feels guilty (as always), angry, alone, and heartbroken.

Will is sitting on his balcony drinking scotch. He thinks of what things would be like in the office without her there. He'd have to deal with his young staff, he had no patience for all of that. He'd have to deal with another EP, someone else in his ear. Then he thinks of what his life would be like without seeing her, watching her (she was brilliant in action), debating with her, catching a glimpse of her smile or her legs, or even catching a brief brush of her shoulder or a quick hug. She can't leave, she can't leave him, he thinks. His eyes fill with tears, he has to fix this.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Mackenzie had spent the last few days alone, her hurt and tears turning over time to anger. After everything they'd been through both professionally and personally, he didn't even have the desire to call her. He's always said that she's the best EP in the business and he hadn't even reached out to her on a professional basis. She came to one conclusion, Will is a douchebag.

For the first time since taking the position, she really had no desire to go to work. She loved her team of young journalists and would do anything for them, but she couldn't mentor them and interact with them like they deserved with Will in the picture anymore. If it wasn't for the Genoa story and the Africa mess, she would just walk into Charlie's office and resign immediately, but her professional reputation and her team were at stake, so no matter how much anger she felt for the anchor, she would see it through.

Mackenzie thought about the ground rules she had established and thought to herself that no matter what, she had to hold her ground, except for the courteous one; she really had no intention of going out of her way to be courteous to Will.

She walked into the newsroom and went straight to her office. She really couldn't deal with hearing about the personal issues or love life adventures that she would typically hear during their morning banter. She felt guilty for how she was treated her team, but just couldn't force herself to care this morning.

ooo

Will woke up pretty much as he had gone to sleep, a fucking mess. His head was pounding from the countless glasses of scotch he drank and his mind was swirling, he had no clue how to fix this. He remembered that in his drunken state he had called Nina and blasted her for lying about the message then in that same discussion awkwardly asking her for advice on what to do. Nina really wasn't stupid; she responded that he really was an idiot before proceeding to hang up on him.

He thought that maybe he should buy her a gift, then realized that Mac was way too smart and way too hurt to be bought. She'd probably either throw whatever it was in his face or even be more hurt and angered with him thinking that he could buy her forgiveness with a gift. As he showered the smell of cigarettes and alcohol from his body he was trying to decide on how to approach her. Should he start from a professional standpoint and using her loyalty to the team to guilt her into staying? He quickly decided that that would probably be the worst approach he could take. No. Should he apologize? Should he tell her what the message said? Should he get on his knees and grovel? He thought for a moment how odd this situation was, all this time he'd held his ground and it was Mac doing making all of the apologies.

The thought just occurred to him that he probably should have gone to see her at home instead of having to deal with it in the office, but it was too late for that, she would already be in the office by now.

ooo

He gets to the newsroom and goes straight to her office, but she's not there.

"Will! What did you do?! Mac is even more screwed up today! Whatever it is...fix it...fix it now!" Sloan says looking dead serious.

"Where is she?"

"No idea, she came in, we even rode in the elevator together...she didn't even say hello, Will. What the fuck did you do?"

"I just need to find her." Will says saddened, it was worse than he thought.

He leaves to find her but is interrupted by a very angry looking Jim. "I don't even know what you did, but it's bad Will and it's your fault. Mac deserves better than this."

"How do you know this is my fault?" Will responds.

"Because there is only one person on the planet who could tear her apart like this. She deserves better Will"

"I know. I just need to find her, where is she?"

"I don't know." Jim says.

He goes back to his office, starring at the wall, until he hears someone say her name to ask her a question as she walks by.

He jumps up and heads to her office. As he approaches he can see that Neal is with her. Although he can tell she's not herself, she is still patient with him. He's relieved just to see her, she belongs here, the team needs her, he needs her...he needs her more than anything.

Mackenzie looks up, she sees him and immediately a look of hurt and pain overwhelms her face. The pain on her face, the hurt, it's almost too much for him. Her face, the face that used to light up at the very sight of him is now just covered with pain and anger.

He walks into her office and Neal suddenly feels the need to be anywhere else. As he leaves Will closes the door behind him.

Mackenzie looks down, not wanting to make eye contact. She says, "What do you want Will?"

"I need to talk to you," he says with the most sincere look in his eyes.

"I don't think there's anything left to say Will. You know the plan, once Maggie is copping better and this whole Genoa nightmare is over I will gladly be out of your life forever."

It's the gladly part that stung him, how could she say that?

"No, Mac, you can't go."

"It's for the best Will, I've made up my mind" she says quickly. Will is worried, once Mac makes up her mind about something she really sees it through.

"What about the team, Mac? What about our show? What about us?"

"The team will be fine Will, I've trained them all well, and they are all so passionate about the show that I trust that they will be fine."

"And the show is called News, Night with Will MacAvoy, it's your show Will."

"And there is no us Will, there hasn't been for a really long time, you've made that abundantly clear."

"Mac, please don't do this."

"It's done Will."

"No, you need to hear me out, Mac."

"And why should I do that Will?. What are you going to say? We've been playing this dance for years now Will. You've had months to tell me what that message said and obviously you couldn't or didn't want to. We see each other every day, we've had drinks, we've had late night phone calls, we've played all of these games for so long, what is really going to change now, Will?" Mackenzie was almost proud of herself that she managed to get his out without breaking down, but was also saddened that she almost felt like she was over the tears, just numb.

Will looks at her, runs his hands through his hair out of nerves trying really hard to come up with something brilliant and profound to say, he still didn't know what to say. "Just listen, Mac. Remember when you told me that it was you holding the sign at the panel? Remember how you told me just to say what I'm feeling? That's what I'm going to do, that's what I should have done months ago, but I was a coward. Telling you how I feel is possibly the most difficult thing to do because it leaves me vulnerable. I didn't want to open up because I'm terrified of getting hurt again; I can't take getting hurt like that again Mac. But not telling you how I feel has is hurting you and you feeling hurt just hurts me too."

Will pauses, he steps closer to her, but she steps back. Mac is torn, part of her just wants to kick him out of her office, but she just can't bring herself to do it.

"Mac, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't bring myself to tell you how I feel…I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you what the message said…I'm sorry that I hurt you by sleeping with Nina…I'm sorry that I didn't run after you 2 days ago when you told me that you were planning to leave…I'm sorry that I'm doing this in the office, which is probably not the most appropriate place..and I'm most sorry that you can barely even look me in the face right now without this awful painful look about you. I love you Mac. I've never stopped loving you Mac, that has never been the issue, it's just more complicated than that. It's not just about loving you, it's about forgiving you and that's the part that I am still working on. But I want to forgive you Mac, I want that more than anything. I want you to look at me again the way you used to with love and happiness in your eyes instead of guilt and pain."

There is a long silence, Will is waiting for Mac to respond. Mac is pauses, waiting for Mac to say something. Mac who has been trying not to make direct eye contact with him, looks down. She is wondering that to say. These are the words she's been waiting months to hear, but it didn't give her the same satisfaction that she thought it would. Suddenly a small nervous and sad smile fills her face.

"You know its funny Will, ok maybe funny is the wrong word, but had you said those very words, months ago or even weeks ago, I would be melting in your arms right now and would have agreed to wait until the end of time for you to work out your issues."

"And now?" Will says terrified that he's lost his chance.

"I love you Will, I will probably love you for the rest of my life." She says tears starting to form in her eyes. Will was happy to hear those words, until he suddenly gotten the feeling like he had already lost her.

"And I'm glad that you are finally able to express your feelings Will."

"But?" Will says.

"I'm not sure, Will." She pauses and this time looks right into his eyes. "I know that most of this is my fault, but I can't keep begging you to forgive me, letting you punish me, it's just too painful Will. I would never do what I did again, and I wish there was some way for me to prove it, but I can't. Maybe love just isn't enough for us; maybe true love doesn't always prevail." Mac looks away, looks out the window, her heart breaks over the thought and her tears finally drop.

"Mac, you can't really believe that." Will says saddened.

"I just don't know anymore Will. I mean even if I stay what changes? You still don't forgive me so where do we go from here? We continue these games and then what…one day I make you angry so you go have revenge sex with whomever or whatever walks by? I'm not trying to hurt you or push you into anything you're not comfortable with. I am just telling you Will that I can't do this anymore, this ends here."

She walks out of her office and leaves Will to his thoughts. Will looks down; he doesn't know how to respond. He wants to keep her there more than anything; he can't bear the thought of not having her, but what he can offer her if he can't forgive her? "Fuck," he says.

To be continued.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the delay, I was hoping to finish it before my vacation, but that didn't happen. Enjoy, reviews are always welcome!**

Will went home that night and although he was still worried about how to get Mac to stay, part of him felt relieved. Telling Mac the truth about how he really felt was painful, but somehow it was still nice to get off his chest.

He had to think, he knew he needed to find a way to get Mac to stay, but how? Could he forgive her? He didn't know how or what that would feel like. How would he know he's forgiven her? But then he would think of Mac leaving for good, and the thought was almost unbearable. He struggled with Mac's question, if she stayed what would really be different if he couldn't forgive her. She was right, everything she said was right, except for the fact that it would be best for her to leave. He decided that he should talk to someone, this was too important to fuck up.

ooo

He told Dr. Habib what had happened. Dr. Habib was pleased with Will's ability to open up, he was making progress. Just as the doctor was starting to ask questions about how this made him feel, Will interrupted, "Just tell me how I can fix this". Will wasn't interested in his feelings or any other discussion.

Dr. Habib says, "forgive her, and fight for her".

"How" Will says quickly.

"According to the dictionary, Will, forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, or anger as a result of a perceived offense. Are you still angry with her Will? Are you still angry enough to let her go? What would really be worse, forgiving her transgression or never being able to see her smile again or feel that feeling you get when she looks at you just the right way? The truth is Will, you've already forgiven her Will, or you wouldn't be here."

Dr. Habib continues, "and only you know how to really win her over, but I would say that flowers and candy aren't going to cut it."

Will nods and without a word he walks out, he needs to think.

oooooo

Sitting in his office, he thinks back and realizes, Habib was right. How could he not have come to this realization, he wants her, he needs her, he loves her, he forgives her. He starts to think about how he can get her back. He thinks of Don Quixote and his mission to civilize, and he decides that he's going to start a new mission, the mission to win her back. His determination and passion takes over, he's excited almost and starts planning.

ooooooo

Mackenzie walks into the newsroom the next morning, already overwhelmed with everything she needs to do. She knows that the end is near for her time here, but won't let her work or the show suffer. She has things that she needs to finish before she leaves. She walks into her office and for a moment thinks of having to say good-bye, a final good bye to her team, to their show, and to Will. She closes the door and puts the thought out of her mind. She had already started working on her plans and had been in contact with former colleagues about potential opportunities, but she had not been able to let herself think about a good-bye, it was too painful. She gets to her desk and sees a single yellow rose, her favorite, she knows exactly who it's from. There is a note attached that reads:

"Love is our destiny. We do not find the meaning of life alone - we find it with another. - Thomas Merton

Please don't leave me."

Her heart flutters, but her mind takes over. "Love is not the problem Will, it never was," she whispers to herself. A tear falls, down her cheek and she closes her eyes for just a moment thinking of Will. She really did love him, but it's not enough. She opens her eyes, wipes the tear and gets to work.

oooo

After the morning run down meeting, Will is the last to leave, she had been avoiding eye contact with him the entire meeting. "Thank you for the flower Will, it's beautiful," she says.

Will nods. He knows that one rose isn't going fix this, but he is confident, he has a plan. He was determined to fight for her, to fight for them.

"I'm not leaving you Will, I am letting you go" Mackenzie says sadly as she leaves.

Will watched her leave and just thinks of how beautiful she, he knows that he can't let her go.

oooooo

Mac is in the control room with her headset on, they are in the middle of a broadcast. Will is reporting about states that have recently allowed same sex marriage and the ridiculous quotes from the republican candidates on the subject leading into his nightly commentary. She is watching as she always does when an intern hands her a note:

"Listen closely, my love"

She looks up at Will on the monitor, he is looking right through her.

"Love is precious, it is both as fragile as crystal and as strong as rock. When you truly find the person who makes you whole and makes you want to be a better person, you need to hold on and fight for it. Love isn't always easy, but it is worth fighting for." He pauses for just a moment and then goes on to say, "And it shouldn't matter if it is a man or a woman, everyone should have the privilege to have and fight for love."

Mac closes her eyes, it wasn't part of the copy she approved, but it was beautiful and she knew that it was from the heart. She knows that he isn't going to make this easy on her.

Will closes the show while Mackenzie is deep in thought. He waits to see if she will come to him in the studio, and as soon as everyone clears out and most of the stage lighting is off, she does.

Mac walks over to the anchor desk with tears in her eyes. "I've been fighting for years Will, I don't have any fight left in me I'm afraid." She looks down.

Will gets up, a little saddened by what she's said, he starts to walk away, but turns back and says, "then it's my turn to fight, I will fight for both of us." He walks out.

ooooo

Mac feeling out of sorts decides to go home, she doesn't want to mingle with the staff tonight. She doesn't know what to feel. She is so torn, it would be so easy to give in, but at what cost? If he doesn't forgive her they can't move on and she doesn't have any fight left in her. She doesn't know that she's being followed, in fact she doesn't even know how she got home. She opens her door, and doesn't even take off her shoes, just goes right to the couch and sits down. She stares for a moment and that's when she sees it. It's a small box with a note just sitting in the middle of her coffee table. She wonders how it got there, it wasn't there when she left. She reads the note first:

"I trust you with my life and more importantly, my heart. It's tattered and worn, but it's yours.

I forgive you.

Please don't break it, please don't leave."

With tears in her eyes she opens the box to find a perfect platinum bracelet with one charm, a heart. The heart that Will had custom made, looked like it was worn with a small chip in it and a crack through the middle like it was broken and put back together. She looks at it and presses the bracelet to her chest. Then she hears a knock on the door, Will had followed her and given her just enough time to find the gift. She knew it was him and with tears rolling down her face, she opens the door. He looks nervous and says, "I should have said the words but my mouth often gets be in trouble." He looks down almost ashamed that he didn't have the courage to say it to her face. He looks up with hope and fear in his eyes, "so the question is, can you forgive me?"

Mac looks deep into his eyes, into his perfect blue eyes. She doesn't know exactly what to say. She steps closer, looks at him.

"Oh Billy," she says, moves closer and gives him the deepest, most intimate, most passionate kiss. He had given her his heart again and this time she knew she would never break it.

The end.


End file.
